i barfeds in our rink
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
