It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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