Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
