i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
