Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
