You smell like stripper and shame
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
