i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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