We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
