so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
