Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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