Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
True strength comes from lack of pants
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
