38 yer olds are good kisserssss
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
