I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
