Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
