I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize