i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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