I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
