Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
