is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I need moral support for this bender
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
