Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize