i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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