Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
