3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
