There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
