Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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