It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
