Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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