I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Randomize