i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
