At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
