sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
