Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
