My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
