A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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