it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Too much gin, very little bucket
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
