Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
