I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
