Need sex. Gaining weight.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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