a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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