capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He shit in the fireplace
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