I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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