her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Panties = found
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
