Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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