Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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