In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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