where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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