Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
