I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
