I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize