Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
