I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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