I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
