he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize