so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
