i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
