All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
