it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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