I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
