i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
