Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Everything about him screamed your future.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
there is glitter all over my balls
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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