Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
