Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize