Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
