took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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